Two by Two
by Hoverboard33219
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Connor McKinley has no idea how he'll adapt to life in Salt Lake City, Utah. But when he meets his next-door-neighbor, all that changes. Handsome, earnest, Ponyboy-lookalike, 80s classics-obsessed Steve Glade shows Connor just how good change can be.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Hello

Fourteen-year-old Connor "Con" McKinley never expected to be going door-to-door to make friends, but that's what ended up happening.

He'd just changed out of his favorite church suit: a white button-down shirt, black tie, black suit. Overall not too different than a normal suit, but when he'd moved to Utah, or, more specifically, Salt Lake City, his mom had made him get four suits, plus other clothes within the Mormon clothing guidelines, but this was his first suit. Because of this, Con (who didn't much care about what he wore) was suddenly one of the most fashionable kids in his class. (Mormons wear fashionable clothing that doesn't reveal anything).

So there Con was, a small, skinny boy in the biggest Mormon state in the world (or so his parents had told him). When his mom told him to go door to door for friends, she'd said it would be good practice for when he was sent on his mission and going door to door every day.

Two houses away from his own, a promising basketball hoop and football were on the ground, neatly piled, on the lawn. Neat, but not too neat, with a couple sporty toys for a kid—but not a young kid, maybe even a kid Con's age.

Con rang the doorbell. After about five seconds of waiting, Con was about to leave, but a boy, maybe fourteen or fifteen answered. He was handsome and well built, wearing a black T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up like a tank top, somewhat like Ponyboy Curtis from _The Outsiders_. The boy wore jeans, and black sporty flats. All in all, it was a very Ponyboy look, even the boy's hair was like C. Thomas Howell's in the movie (before the haircut scene with Ralph Macchio).

"Hey," the boy said. "What's up?"

"Hello," Con began. "My name is Connor McKinley. And I just moved here, right over to—" Con pointed to his house "—and I was just sort of out looking for friends?"

The boy laughed a bit. "Hey, Connor."

"Con," Con objected.

"Ok, Con," the boy said, grinning again. "I'm Steve, Steve Glade." The boy—Steve—looked Con up and down. Steve opened his mouth to speak—maybe say something about Con's clothes—but seemed to have decided against it.

Con checked his watch. It was a Sunday morning, and church started soon. "I hate to leave so soon," Con began, "but—"

"You're one of the Mormon kids and you need to go to church?" Steve guessed.

Con didn't like being called _one of the Mormon kids_ , but Steve seemed like a nice enough guy.

"Please don't call me that," Con winced.

Steve's eyes widened as he realized his mistake. "Oh, gosh, Con, I'm sorry."

"It's cool," Con nodded _coolly_. Then, hopefully, he asked, "So I'll see you later, Steve?"

Steve grinned. "Course. I'll just be here."

* * *

After church, they got into the family's battered Honda, and Con scrambled to buckle in his seatbelt. His mother turned around and looked at him as his father shifted the car out of park mode and began to drive.

"So, Con, how was your morning? Did you make any new friends?" Con's mother asked hopefully.

"There's a family a couple houses down with a boy Con's age," his father suggested.

"Well, I met a kid called Steve," Con said. "He's pretty nice."

"Is he Mormon?" his father asked.

" _Arnold_ ," his mother chided.

"What?" his father said defensively. "I want our son to be around good influences."

"No, he's not Mormon," Con explained. "But he has some friends who are." Con didn't know for sure, but he assumed, with all of the Mormons around in Salt Lake City.

"That's okay, then," his father said. "I'm fine with you being friends with people who aren't Mormon, but I want you to have some friends who believe in Heavenly Father."

"Shall we pray?" his mother suggested.

"We _just_ came back from church," Con complained. At his parents' disapproving looks, he quickly added, "And I'm out of things to pray for."

His parents were satisfied with this, so when Con got out, he raced over to Steve's house. Steve was in the driveway, dribbling a basketball on his knee like Ralph Macchio's character Daniel LaRusso from _The Karate Kid_. Maybe this guy had a thing for 80s classics. Or Ralph Macchio films (Ralph Macchio was in _The Outsiders_ as well as C. Thomas Howell).

"Hey, Steve," Con greeted him.

"Connie!" Steve smiled.

" _Connie_? That's a _girl's_ name."

"Right, sorry, Con-Con."

"Not any better," Con groaned. "Just call me Connor or Con."

Steve snickered, but then nodded sincerely. "Okay. Come on inside."

Inside, Con saw two boys playing chess. "I was out there waiting for you," Steve explained. "These two came over earlier." Then, louder, he said, "Guys, this is Con McKinley. Con, that's Luke and Matt."

Matt waved, something very _friendly_ about his expression. "Hello, Con McKinley!"

"Do you go to church?" Con asked shyly. "I think I saw you today—"

"Church of the Latter Day Saints?" Matt clarified. "No, but my cousin Paul does. He hangs out with us sometimes."

Steve grinned, then pulled Connor aside. "Hey, Con, you doing okay? You looked a bit uncomfortable."

"Oh, no, I just am a bit shy around new people," Con admitted.

"You aren't shy with me," Steve pointed out.

Con couldn't help but smile. "I guess."

Steve ran a hand through his hair. Con watched carefully, every little detail. There was no denying Steve was incredibly attractive, and if Con was gay he thought for sure he'd be into Steve. Something about all the eighties classics just screamed _cool_ to Con.

Steve's hair was greased, but not heavily, just lightly to accent his features. His hair wasn't black, but chocolate or mocha or coffee brown, whatever word you chose to describe it with. He was wearing Vans, and there were at least four soccer balls in his living room.

They stepped inside Steve's room. A _The Outsiders_ poster was on the wall, as well as two editions of _The Karate Kid_ , and _The Karate Kid Part II_ and _That Was Then, This Is Now_ , and _Rumble Fish_ , and _Tex_.

"You like 80s films?" Con asked. It was mostly a rhetorical question, but Steve answered it nonetheless.

"Yeah," Steve answered. A dark brown desk was parked in a corner of the room, a small Dell lap top sat upon it, as well as a Nintendo 3DS to the side.

"Nice room," Con smiled.

"Thanks," Steve said earnestly. Then, slightly less confidently, "There's a party at a friend's house tonight. Wanna come?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: I Guess it's You and Me

Con, Matt, Luke, and Steve arrived at the party around seven o'clock. There were a handful of people scattered around the front lawn, and some silhouettes were apparent in the windows. On the lawn, a sprinkler was going, and a group of boys stood right outside its radius. Some girls stood farther back, amused. The first boy stepped into the path and jumped right when the sprinkler would have hit him. It was one of those sprinklers that didn't go high, so the water only sprayed his feet.

Seeing Con's confused look, Steve explained. "It's this game called Water Jump. It's a fad right now. Sort of like how Uno used to be a fad. Or Monopoly. Stuff like that."

Con nodded, and then a handsome-looking leather jacked-wearing biker boy, who looked about sixteen, shouted at Steve, "Long time no see, Stevie boy!"

Con blinked. Steve sighed, almost embarrassed. "That's Darryl, my ex."

"You're gay?" Con couldn't believe it. He didn't have a problem with gays, but if his parents found out he hung out with a gay guy then they wouldn't let him see Steve.

Steve turned his head toward Con casually. "Yeah. You have a problem with that?" He seemed irritated.

"No, but my parents probably do," Con said.

"Sorry," Steve said. "I just get tired of answering questions. And I live _here_ , in Salt Lake City. Not only are we really red, but there are so many Mormons around, and the Church of Latter Day Saints and even people who tell me that _Jesus still loves me_ annoy me. I'm sorry I snapped."

"Yeah, it's fine. I get it." Con paused. "Just, if you're ever around my parents, pretend you're straight, okay?"

"Sure, Con," Steve agreed. And just like that, all the tension upon finding out Steve's sexuality was erased. And even in this huge, red, Mormon state of Utah, Steve was so handsome that surely he'd find lots of guys to date. People would either think he was C. Thomas Howell or a really good lookalike Halloweener. People like Steve just found other people. Steve was just that good-looking.

 _Coming from a totally heterosexual point of view_ , Con immediately assured himself. He could admire Steve and still be straight, right?

"Steve! Come down here!" someone shouted from inside the house. Con shrugged and followed Steve in. Upon seeing Con awkwardly tailing Steve, someone else asked, "That your new boy toy, Stevie?"

"No," Steve laughed. " _No_." Con instantly felt a pang of hurt. It came from nowhere, but it stung anyway. "He's straight. Right?" It took Con a moment to realize Steve was genuinely asking him a question. All eyes were on him.

"Um. Right! Of course. Yeah," Con said dismissively. _Coolly_.

"So," Steve said. "Whaddya need me for?"

One of the boys, the one who called them down, answered. "Kyle and Josh are fighting over who's hotter. Who is it?"

A bunch of boys laughed. Steve raised his hands to calm them down. "Well, Mitch, frankly, it's not my place to say. But if I had to—If I had to!—I'd probably say Josh."

 _I agree_ , Con thought. _Josh is more handsome_. Then he caught himself. _Which I mean in a totally heterosexual way_ , he added. _I can objectively say—in a completely heterosexual_ and _heteroromantic way, that a guy is hotter than another guy, right? Totally._

Steve's lips were half an inch away from Con's ear. He didn't know when it happened, but it had. "Quiet," he whispered urgently. "Don't look to your right."

Which of course makes anyone look to the right.

"Con!" Steve laughed. He'd pulled his head away from Con's. And Con saw really why Steve had warned him.

The boy had white makeup, like a vampire, and (hopefully) fake vampire teeth. It wasn't one particular thing about him that was so creepy, but he just screamed it. His hair was awkwardly parted in the middle.

"Who _is_ that?" asked Connor.

"I don't know," Steve said honestly. "I never learned his name. Whenever anyone asks, though, he says his name is _Mort_."

Steve shivered as he said that.

Con didn't really realize why Steve thought _Mort_ as a name was so significant. He said so, and Steve laughed. "You skipped out on French lessons, huh?" At Con's confused look, Steve snickered. "I'm lying, I just looked it up. Mort _is_ a French word, though. In English, it means a note on a horn that's pressed when a quarry is killed. Now, I have no idea what that means, but Google says it's true. And in French, mort means death." Steve let that sink in. "So yeah."

"Wow."

"Stevie!" Josh called. "Wouldja play Monopoly with us?"

"Sure!" Steve called back. Con was surprised at how popular Steve was, given the fact that Steve had befriended him, Con, but mostly because he was _gay_. Remember: this isn't modern-time shit. The time this was set, _gay_ could mean _loser_.

But not with Steve. Steve was earnest and people liked that. Plus the Ponyboy thing was hard to ignore. And it wasn't like Emilio Estevez's Two-Bit Mathews performance (which wasn't bad) it just wasn't that kind of greaser. It was _smart_ greaser. _Ponyboy_ greaser.

It was part of that that added to Steve's handsomeness. He was the most attractive boy Con had ever seen— _Still straight, straight as a line_ , Con reminded himself—and he'd seen a lot of so-called attractive guys. Or maybe he was the only guy Con was attracted _to_.

So they all gathered around to play Monopoly. There were six of them playing, Luke, Matt, Con, Steve, Mitch, and Josh. The rest were playing The Game of Life, Pandemic, or Uno.

Con played the battleship. Steve played the top hat. Mitch easily won, and soon they split and Con and Steve played Battleship together.

"A5," Con guessed. "So, Steve, how long have you lived here?"

"All my life," Steve said casually. "Miss. G4."

"Hit," Con gasped. "Shit! That's cool you've always lived here. How long have you been out?"

"Six months," Steve said. "Yes! A hit! I came out to my parents seven months ago. They were really supportive, actually."

"That's cool," Con said. "J2."

"Miss. G5."

"Miss," Con grinned. "A2."

They kept playing like that for some time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: My Best Friend/All the Bad

Con and Steve left the party around eleven. Steve drove them home, playing eighties movie theme songs, particularly _The Outsiders_ and _The Karate Kid_ , which had proven to be his favorites.

"Howdja like the party?" Steve asked.

"It was good," Con said honestly.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was gay before," Steve apologized. "It was BS of them to call you my _boy toy_."

"No, it's fine," Con said. "What do you say? 'My name is Steve Glade and I'm really gay.'"

Steve laughed. "Yes! So many people do it that way." His tone became uneasy. "But you're okay with it?"

"Of course," Con said. "My parents wouldn't be, though."

"Sure. You're Mormon."

Con blushed, a little angrily. "Yeah, but that's not the only reason, okay? They're very intent on a family that's just a father, mother, a son, and a daughter."

"Do you have a sister?"

"No," Con said. "The son/daughter thing is more flexible cause you can't actually control it. After me, my parents couldn't have any more kids."

"Oh." Con was grateful Steve didn't pursue the topic.

Desperate to make conversation, Con said, "Want to play Fast Five Favorites?"

"Sure," Steve laughed.

"You know how to play?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Con thought for a second. "Movie. Broadway show. Subject. Book. Halloween-style monster."

Steve nodded seriously, but kept his eyes on the road. " _The Outsiders_. _Rent_. English. _The Outsiders_. And skeletons."

" _Rent_ is really good!" Con gushed. "But yeah. _The Outsiders_. Twice. I should have guessed. Anyway. Mine are: _The Breakfast Club_. _The Phantom of the Opera_. Social Studies. _The Complete Works of Shakespeare_. Zombies."

"My turn now!" Steve said excitedly. Then his expression turned thoughtful. "Color. Food. Actor. Paint type. Animal."

Con thought for a few seconds before blurting out his answers. "Blue. Cake. C. Thomas Howell—" To which Steve replied "Hey!" "—Acrylic, and rat."

"Gross!" Steve said. "Rats are sewer animals!"

"No, they aren't," Con explained patiently. "Yes, Norway rats and roof rats are, but comparing a pet rat to a wild rat is like comparing a tame dog to a wolf. Rats clean themselves constantly. They're incredibly smart."

"Oh," Steve said. "See, I didn't know that. Anyway, my choices are brown, bread rolls, C. Thomas Howell, _obviously_ —" Obviously. "Watercolor, and dog. But now maybe rat."

Con cracked a grin. "Always good to recruit another fan."

Then Steve paused a second. Visibly. "Do—do you, like, were you telling the truth when you said you were straight in there?"

 _Of course I'm straight. Of course! There's no way I'm gay. Steve's gay, and I'm his friend, and he's really attractive—no you don't, Connor McKinley. No you don't, Con. You are not turning_ gay _. You aren't gay! What's your problem? Why aren't you just blurting out "Yes!"? Are you deformed. Are you deranged. Are you—no, no, no—_ GAY _?_

But Con couldn't. He couldn't say "Yes" and he couldn't just say "No." He was supposed to be the perfect Mormon boy. He couldn't be _gay_. He _wasn't_ gay.

Seeing Con's hesitance to answer, Steve smiled a bit. Not a joking smile or a snickering smile or a _you're so caught_ smile, just a grateful, happy, and thankful smile.

"It's okay," he said softly. His voice was almost a whisper. It didn't suit him that well, with his Ponyboy face.

"What's okay?" Con couldn't tell what Steve was thinking. Did he think Con's silence meant he was gay? _Which, by the way, I'm not_ , Con added to himself. "You think I'm saying yes?"

"No," Steve said. "I think you don't know. I think you're still getting to know yourself. I think you're attracted to a guy in your life but aren't ready to identify as gay."

Man, Steve was smart. _And handsome_ , Con thought. _No, no, no! You are_ not _gay! When will you stop being so gay, Connor? You aren't—I repeat, aren't—gay! You aren't even bi! Or anything other than completely, 100% straight!_

"Is there a word for that?" Con asked quietly.

"Questioning," Steve said. "See, there's LGBTQ+. The L is for Lesbian, G is for Gay, B is for Bi, or Bisexual, T is for Transgender, Q is for Queer in general. There's also known as LGBTQIAQGGP+. Cause there's also intersex, asexual, questioning, gender fluid, genderless, pansexual, and so many more. So you can still be thinking about it and call yourself questioning."

"Well, if I'm anything other than straight my parents will disown me," Con smirked. Only half-joking.

"Well, you don't have to tell them," Steve retorted. "So are you? Questioning, I mean? Or even possibly gay or bi?"

 _Yes._ Connor was surprised at himself. His mind wasn't attacking him like usual. Not telling him he wasn't gay, wasn't into Steve—which, by the way, he was—or anything. It was just being quiet, buzzing in the background. _Not questioning. I mean. I don't think I'm questioning. I think I might be gay_.

Then screeching tires attracted both of their attentions. A black BMW was racing through traffic, the other way around. Obviously a getaway. Cop cars were screaming their sirens behind it. Steve looked panicked. Freaking out, maybe. Pale.

Steve gripped the steering wheel, trying to get out of the way. Con just sat there, paralyzed, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"FUCK!" Steve screamed. He flung open the door, covered his head, and ran to the other side of the car. He jangled Con's passenger door. "FUCK, CON! JUST GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

Steve grabbed the key and unlocked the door. He jiggled the door until it opened. Con still just sat there, paralyzed.

"Fuck you, Connor McKinley! You're trying to get me killed!" Steve shouted angrily. "Fuck you! Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!"

But he grabbed Con by the sleeve and tried to tug him out of the car. It reminded him vaguely of the fire scene in _The Outsiders_.

He dragged Connor to the sidewalk. He dragged him out and one of the chasing cop cars stopped to help them.

"What happened, sir?" the cop asked.

"I was worried about the car, officer," Steve explained. "I didn't want to get in an accident, so I pulled over. My friend froze up like he was having a panic attack. I dragged him out here."

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" the cop asked.

"I don't, sir, but he might," Steve said.

The cop looked startled.

"Hello, kid, can you hear me?"

 _A deer caught in the headlights_. _A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS!_

"I don't think he can," Steve choked out.

"Son, let's get you to the hospital," the cop said.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: All Better Now

 _Connor shuddered. He was in the kitchen as his dad watched the Utah Jazz play. He hated the Utah Jazz season. His dad would always get really competitive, and Connor wouldn't be able to recognize his father._

 _"_ _Shit!" Con's dad screamed. "Shit! Jazz, can't yah play better?"_

 _Connor sat there. His mother grabbed a beer bottle from his father, saying, "Arnold, why don't you take a break from the beer?"_

 _There was a sharp crack as Con's father, Arnold McKinley, slapped his mother._

 _"_ _I'll drink when I want to," Arnold slurred._

 _Connor felt tears well up in his eyes. He stood up and faced his dad and mom. His mom seemed fine, just angry._

 _"_ _Look, Arnold, you're upsetting Connor," his mother said._

 _"_ _Elizabeth, you're fooling yourself," Arnold said dazedly. Then he looked at Connor angrily and said, "Don't you dare start crying."_

 _Elizabeth herself seemed to be fighting back tears. "I just mean that you have to take Lisa to her dance lesson, dear. You said you'd take Arnold as well, and I don't want you taking them if you're drinking."_

 _"_ _You take them then," Arnold shouted._

 _"_ _I'm going to a public forum today, remember? I'll vote on free cable access in the Utah Jazz season for you?" Elizabeth asked, hoping to draw recognition._

 _"_ _Ah," said Arnold._

 _Later that day, Arnold, Lisa, and Con got in the car. Arnold was a decent driver, even when he was drunk._

 _"_ _I get shotgun," Lisa said._

 _"_ _No, I do!"_

 _"_ _Connor's coming and it's your lesson, he gets shotgun," Arnold declared._

 _"_ _Ha," Con teased._

* * *

 _Con couldn't remember the rest of what happened. But here's what he did remember: first. Don't sit in the front seat till the airbags will help you rather than hurt you. Second. Don't let anyone drive you while they're drunk._

Con woke up to Steve, his mother, and his father sitting in the small hospital room. Steve was arguing with his parents, who were saying he should just go home.

"I'm not going home," Steve protested.

"Son, _go home_ ," Arnold said.

"He's awake," Elizabeth said, pointing.

"Hey guys," Con said weakly.

"Hey, Connie," Steve said.

"Girl's name!"

"Right, sorry, Con," Steve grinned.

"Better," Con smiled back.

Then Con whispered to Steve. "Hey, look, I'm sorry, but I lied to you before. About having a sister."

"You have a sister?"

Con winced. He didn't know why he'd expected this to be painless. " _Had_ a sister."

Steve's eyes widened. "She's dead?"

"Yeah," Con muttered. "It was two years ago…"

* * *

 _Elizabeth, Connor, and Arnold were in Lisa's hospital room. She was a dancer, and she'd felt ill lately, so they took her in for a scan. The doctors wouldn't tell anything until more was revealed, but they'd rushed her to the hospital. They finally took her back and gave her family the bad news._

 _"_ _She has cancer," the doctor said._

 _"_ _What?" Arnold asked drowsily. He was still hungover from the night before. Connor had seen his mom get slapped around again._

 _"_ _She's got two months to live," the doctor tried again._

 _Con just stood there. "Two months?" he echoed._

 _"_ _Yes," the doctor said, irritated._

 _Connor sat by her all night. He barely left her side for the next month and a half. Then, he asked the doctor if he thought Lisa would live long enough for him to buy something._

 _"_ _What is it?" the doctor asked._

 _"_ _I want to buy an iPhone," Connor explained._

 _"_ _Well, you never know, but she'll live a bit longer," the doctor said._

 _And so Con went to buy an iPhone. When he got back, his sister was dead._

* * *

Steve's eyes were wide. "God," he said, racking his brain for something to say.

"I know," Con said.

Steve realized while the story was good, the ending left some to be wanted. He realized then that Con did that on purpose to avoid talking about it.

"Don't use his name in vain, please," Con murmured.

"I'm sorry," Steve smiled sadly.

"Goodnight," Con said. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," Steve said back, noting that it was just past noon.

* * *

Matt, Luke, Con, and Steve were playing Monopoly. Con was the racecar, Luke was the top hat, Steve was the dog, and Matt was the thimble.

Con had realized something. Not about his sexuality, or gayness, just that Steve was _really good_ at Monopoly. They'd played two games in the past week after Con was released from the hospital and nobody else had even got close to winning.

"Christmas is coming up," Matt noted. "I love Christmas."

"Do Mormons celebrate Christmas? Or, like, give gifts?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," Con said. "Yeah, just like you guys, we do."

"Awesome," Matt said. "And Christmas is only two weeks away!"

Steve just grinned.

"It's great," Con smiled.

"Hey, since Christmas break starts next week, I'm going to give you guys my gifts tomorrow, okay?" Steve said.

"Course," Con said.

The next day, they all met up at Steve's house again. All with gifts. Steve went first, giving out all of his gifts.

First, to Matt, he got a new version of _The Legend of Zelda_ , a game he loved. To Luke, he gave a new set of headphones, and to Con, he gave a _dog_.

"Do my parents know about this?" was all Con could say as the puppy licked his face obsessively.

"I coordinated with them, they're fine with this," Steve explained. "Would you like to pick a name for him?"

"What breed is he?" Con asked.

"Golden Retriever, obviously," Steve grinned.

"Fluffy or Fluff or Fluffball," Matt suggested as Con attached the leash Steve had given him.

"Scotty," Con grinned. "Sorry, Matt, but he's Scotty.

"Damn," Matt grinned. Con glared at him. "Oh, right, sorry. _Dang_."

"Better," Con muttered over Scotty's licks.

"See, I don't know how anyone can top that," Luke said, who went next. He gave everyone paintings of metallic beetles on otherwise blank white canvas.

Matt went next, giving Luke paint, Con a globe, and Steve a book of monologues.

Then Con went.

He got Luke a beautiful set of paintbrushes. Matt got a bag of candy and Steve got a copy of Shakespeare's _Hamlet_.

"This is great, thanks," Steve said, looking through his gifts.

"Yeah," Matt said, chomping on the Sour Patches. "These are _great_ , man!"

"Thanks," Con muttered, stroking Scotty.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I'm sorry for the slow updates, and this chapter in general. I didn't really know how the hell to write the fact that Con's sister died while he was at the Apple Store. I know it's in the song but it was difficult nonetheless.**

 **Also, please review! It means a lot.**

Hoverboard33219


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: I Am Here For You

When Con initially brought up the idea of seeing a therapist, his dad had strongly protested. He'd said therapy was for wimps. But Con's mother had been very supportive and agreed, as long as he promised to talk to her whenever he needed to.

So when he had his first meeting with his therapist Victoria Hall, he was nervous. He knew why he wanted to see her. He knew what he needed to talk about. But it was hard nonetheless.

"So, Victoria, I don't know how exactly to say this," Con said lightly, "but there's a boy I know. And. I thought I might want to see a therapist."

"First," Victoria smiled, "this is _your_ space, Connor—"

"Please call me Con," Con interjected.

"OK," Victoria said. "Con, this is your space. You can say anything you need to. Second. Con, you said there's a boy you know and you want to see a therapist. Can you please connect those two for me?"

When Con hesitated, Victoria continued. "Con, whatever you say is confidential. I can only break confidence if you tell me you're being abused, or hurt, if you're planning to commit a crime, or if you're planning to hurt yourself or injure yourself."

"Only if I'm planning to commit a crime?" Con asked. "Like, if I already did, like, if I told you I killed someone you couldn't tell?"

Victoria smiled again. Con could tell she got that question a lot. "No, Con. I couldn't. But if you said you were going to kill someone, I would have to."

"OK," Con said. "I've been thinking about it for weeks. I think—maybe. Maybe. I think. I think I might be gay."

Con waited for Victoria to flinch, or tell him he was crazy or messed up or say something that reflected how red Utah was, but she didn't. Her face was a mask, not letting the way she felt interfere in her relationship with Connor.

"But you didn't want conversion therapy," Victoria clarified. "You wanted normal therapy?"

"Yeah," Con said. "Should I want conversion therapy?"

Victoria didn't answer. Instead, she looked thoughtfully at him, and squinted a tiny bit, then her eyes relaxed. "Con, can I trust you to remember something?"

"What?" Con asked uncomfortably.

Victoria still had that thoughtful expression. "Con, I'm here for you."

* * *

The Utah air was chilly. It was ski season, and people were packing up and leaving for nearby-ish resorts like Sundance. In Sundance, Utah.

Con's dad loved Scotty. Scotty was well-behaved, probably heterosexual, respectful of Mormon traditions…everything he could have wanted in a son. Con noticed this, but pretended not to. Arnold was allowed to wish Scotty was a boy instead of a dog. And his son, instead of Connor…

It didn't matter. It wasn't like there weren't times Con wished Arnold wasn't his father, and that he had accepting parents like Steve did.

God, Steve. What would he do? What _could_ he do? Christmas was three days away…and Con had a plan. It involved Christmas, so he had to pull it off now or never.

So, without any other idea of what to do, Con followed his plan, knowing he could pull out if he needed to.

{Text Conversation}

|Con| hey

|Steve| hey right back at ya

|Con| so, steve, i was wondering if you wanted to go to this holiday party. my dads friend is hosting it, and they said i can bring a guest

|Steve| is it going to be filled with homophobic religious people?

|Steve| because, con, you know i love you but i can't stand homophobic religious people

|Con| don't worry man

|Con| yes they're mormon and i haven't memorized all of my dads friends views on same-sex marriage but i think it'll be fine as long as they don't know you're gay

|Steve| connor i'm not ashamed of who i am. plus you know all mormons have the same view on same-sex marriage

|Con| please, steve? you know i don't want to be trapped with homophobic religious people either

|Steve| you're religious

|Con| not really

|Steve| but your parents are really big mormons right?

|Con| but i don't think i believe

|Con| and the churchs official statement is against same-sex marriage

|Con| and i don't want to be part of that community

|Steve| …

|Steve| fine i'll come

* * *

Con didn't much care for Mormon parties. Especially now.

"Thanks for being here," Con said shyly to Steve.

Steve laughed. "Connor, I am here for _you_ , not these people. Or this party. Are all Mormon parties like this?"

"Pretty much," Con said, trying to contain a smile. "Anyway, Steve, can I show you something?"

Con lead Steve behind the house. "Steve," he began, utterly nervous about what he was about to do. It could go wrong in a million different ways. It could backfire. It could just not work. It could be ill-received.

"I wasn't completely honest about your Christmas present," Con continued slowly, leading Steve behind a tree.

"Oh?" Steve said with a sly grin creeping over his face.

"This is it," Con said, and with a moment's hesitation, he leaned over and pecked Steve on the lips.

Then Con leaned back. He examined Steve's face. It was happy, surprised, excited all at once. Con decided that was enough and grabbed a fistful of Steve's jacket which happened to be around the zipper (of his jacket) and began kissing him, hard. Suddenly, with much more experience, Steve took over.

They were only interrupted when a harsh exclamation of "Connor!" cut through the bitter air. Connor's mother, Elizabeth McKinley, was staring at the boys, mouth agape.

"Right," Steve muttered, then mouthed to Connor, _I got this_.

"Hi, Mrs. McKinley," Steve said cheerfully.

"Are you a girl?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly.

"Male as can be," Steve answered.

"So why are you kissing my son?"

"To be fair," Steve explained, "he kissed me."

"Connor," Elizabeth said, now turning to Con. "You're _gay_?"

"I think so," Con said slowly.

"What will people say?" Elizabeth wailed.

"That's great, Con, I'm glad you found someone?" Con tried.

"No! About you being _gay_!"

"I told you, Mom, I'm not one hundred percent sure," Con groaned. "Besides, I happen to not give a damn about what people think."

Steve grinned. Then he looked at Elizabeth and addressed her. "Look, Mrs. McKinley. I'm not Mormon, but I can imagine what your views on gays are, especially since same-sex marriage isn't even legal in the US! But anyway, Mrs. McKinley. I know Utah is a really red state, but _my_ parents were accepting. When I came out—as gay, just so you know—my mom said, and I quote, 'Steve, I'm so glad you felt comfortable talking to me. I am here for you.'" He looked at Elizabeth expectantly.

"Look, Mom," Con jumped in, "I'm sure you'll be itching to tell Dad all about this. But _please_ , don't. If you want, I'll tell him myself. Just. Soon. Once I know who I am and I'm ready for him to know. _Please_ don't tell anyone about this."

"You ashamed of me, McKinley?" Steve asked, amused.

"Steve!"

"Sorry."

Then, they both stared at Elizabeth McKinley, as if to ask, _Well?_

"You make an interesting case, Connor," Elizabeth said, her expression still stormy. "Look. Connor, I love you. I don't care if you're gay." Just as Con was about to celebrate, she opened her mouth again. "As a _person_. But we're Mormons, Connor! What would the others say?"

"I don't care what they say," Con said defiantly, then realized his mom was asking a rhetorical question.

"Connor, I won't tell your father. Just. Don't come all the way out without talking to us?" Elizabeth offered. "Talk to us before telling your friends."

"Deal, except I can talk to Luke, Matt, and, of course, Steve," Con bargained.

"Fine, but make them promise."

"Fine."

"Fine."

* * *

 **A/N: As I haven't seen _The Book of Mormon_ in person yet, I was unaware that the song "Turn It Off" wasn't entirely Elder McKinley singing the whole song as had lead me to believe. Thanks to the guest who made me aware of that. As Chapter 4 revolves around the song "Turn It Off", unless I get a request I'm not going to change what I wrote. **

**Reviews/favorites/follows are always appreciated!**

 **Hoverboard33219**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Part of Our Story

Steve took Con to the Utah Unicorn on the Saturday after new years'. The Utah Unicorn was the only LGBT club Con had heard of that his parents hadn't told him had "devil strippers", so he remained optimistic.

" _Devil strippers_?" Steve had laughed when Con told him. "What the hell—sorry, heck—even _are_ devil strippers?"

Con knew the answer his parents had been going for, but just laughed along. "Yeah. To be fair, what's an LGBT club in fucking _Utah_?"

"Fucking Utah," Steve grinned. "Didn't know you had it in you to swear, McKinley."

"If you tell my parents, they'll kill me," Con smiled.

"More or less than if you told them you were gay?" Steve asked playfully.

" _Way_ less," Con laughed.

But now they were on their way to the Utah Unicorn, desperately hoping that Con wouldn't be recognized. So they'd got Con a motorcycle helmet.

"I tell you," Steve said, "that helmet doesn't suit you much."

"I know" was Con's muffled reply.

"Are you having that much trouble talking?" Steve asked, concerned.

"No."

"So…" Steve didn't know how to bring up the next topic. "You kissed me at the party."

"You kissed me back," Con said.

"Your mom asked if I was a girl."

"You said you'd handle it."

Steve grinned before saying, "Are we, like, going out now? I mean, it's pretty clear you're not ready to be out."

"Well, I don't want to be disowned," Con said, trying to lighten the mood.

"But do you want to be…together?" Steve asked tentatively.

"Do you?" Con asked.

"Are you kidding, McKinley?" Steve laughed, while nervously biting his lip. "I liked you since I met you."

"That why you made friends with me, Glade?" Con teased.

"Sure it is," Steve said, turning to seriousness. "Seriously though, I'm all for it if you are. But I'm not—I'm not going to stay secret forever for you. You'd need to come out."

"I'm all for it as well," Con grinned, nervous as well. "How about a month? I'll take a month to come out. Okay?"

"I'm not going to force you out of the closet," Steve said, changing tacks. "But. A month sounds good, okay? As long as _you_ think you're ready."

"In a month, I will be," Con said.

As they pulled into the Utah Unicorn, Con took his motorcycle helmet off and Steve turned off the engine and they stepped inside. It was mainly made of wood, with neon signs on anything that could use a neon sign. Even the bathrooms had neon signs. Two women were sitting down, and there was a large circle of chairs. Steve and Con got seats next to each other.

"Let's start, shall we?" one woman asked. "My name is Debby. I identify as lesbian. First off, remember there is _absolutely no pressure_ to share. Everyone's here to feel comfortable, yes? I see we have some of our regulars, and some new faces as well. Thanks to everyone for coming! This is my wife, Keli. Would you like to go first?"

"Of course," Keli answered affectionately. "My name is Keli. I identify as a transgender girl and a lesbian. I've been married to this one for ten years, and I finished hormone therapy a long time ago." Keli then gestured to a boy on her right.

The boy nodded. "My name is Morgan. I'm gender neutral, which means I don't identify as male or female. Or at least—at least, that's how _I_ see it."

A trans boy named Tyson went next. Afterwards, there was boy— _kid_ , Con told himself, as he was trying not to put anyone into a category.

The kid seemed nervous, but went anyway. "My. My name is Harris, I'm fifteen years old. I identify as asexual. I don't do sexual relationships, but I do have romantic relationships. This is my girlfriend Kylie."

"Hi!" Kylie gushed. "I'm Kylie, I'm Harris's girlfriend. I'm pansexual." Then Kylie proceeded to talk for another five minutes before Debby intervened.

"Kylie, hon, perhaps let's give someone else a chance to talk, ok?" Debby asked gently. Kylie looked deflated, but nodded.

Next was a boy wearing an oversized T-shirt that read _QSA for USA_ on it. "Hey guys, it's Marty," he said, waving. "As you guys know, I came out to my family last month. My dad's a super-religious Mormon preacher, and he threw me out. So I've been living in a safe house for a little while. I've been working odd jobs besides my real job at Target, and I've been promoting the Unicorn. I identify as gay."

Con didn't understand how the boy—Marty—could be so _happy_ after being thrown out. And the fact that he _had_ been thrown out was enough to make Con doubt his plan to come out in a month. A fucking month!

Steve, sensing his tension, whispered into Con's ear. "It's gonna be okay."

Then it was Con's turn.

"Hi, I'm Connor Mc— _Con_ ," he said. "Con. I'm Con. I, uh, this is my first time here, so I don't know exactly what to do. I'm Mormon. And, I'm gay. Well, I'm still experimenting I guess. But I think I'm gay. I haven't come out to my parents yet. That's my boyfriend Steve."

"Well, be warned, I might steal him off you!" Marty joked, to lighten the mood. But it had hit Con in the wrong way and he tensed. Keli saw that and glared at Marty, who shut up.

"Good luck with that," Steve laughed. "Anyway, I'm Steve Glade, you all know me. I'm gay. This is my boyfriend, Connie."

"Girl's name," Con muttered, showing that _here_ of all places he didn't want that.

"Shit, sorry," Steve said, looking concerned. "This is my boyfriend, Con!"

"Congratulations," Debby said warmly. "It's always nice to see a nonconforming or queer couple walking the streets."

The _congratulations_ rubbed Con the wrong way too. Like, you've got a boyfriend, so I'll use that to help _me_? He didn't like the Utah Unicorn as much as he had when he came in.

"Thanks," Con muttered.

The rest of the meeting wasn't very exciting. There was just a lot of talking about feelings, and love, and transitioning. Morgan said there was a guy they liked and they weren't sure if the guy liked them back, because the guy was bisexual, but not pansexual. Stuff like that.

As Con and Steve left the Unicorn, Con wondered how Steve liked that place. He voiced this, and Steve laughed.

"I don't," he said. "But I knew if you knew that, you wouldn't try it. I just wanted to see if you liked it. Plus I wanted to see some people. I mean, when I was here last, Marty had just come out but still thought his parents might take him back. I hope he didn't scare you out of coming out."

"It didn't," Con said. He knew it wasn't true, but also not a lie. He _would_ come out in a month, he _would_ do it. "But. If I get kicked out, can I stay with you?"

"Of course," Steve said. "I'm here for you, Con."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Man Up/Bad Things Happen

The month passed by without incident. Scotty was cute, Arnold was annoying, Elizabeth snuck Connor questioning looks as if trying to figure him out. Con didn't _act_ very gay in her opinion. She was religious, like her husband. But she loved her son, and that came before her opinions on gay marriage. She _wanted_ grandchildren, and Con was her only child, so she would either have to settle for "sinner" non-biological children, either surrogate or adopted or _something_ , or settle for no grandchildren at all.

And it was the last day of the month. Steve had kissed Con on the cheek and said, "You can do this." But Con didn't feel like he could do it.

So, just in case, he put his phone, his charger, his most important belongings in a small backpack. He added in some toys for Scotty and Scotty's leash.

He sat his parents down on the couch. Scotty sat at his feet.

"So what's this about?" Arnold asked.

Con took a deep breath. This was _not_ going to work. Or happen.

But he had to. For Steve.

Steve had said to stay comfortable. And that he wouldn't hold it against Con if he couldn't do it.

 _Fuck it. I'm going to man the fuck up._

"I'm gay."

The words. The two words that changed everything. _I'm gay_.

"Gay." Arnold blinked, then stared hard at his son. " _Gay_."

"Yeah, Dad. I'm gay." It was a rush to say it, to admit it to his parents. Finally.

" _Get out of my house_."

The fury that was suddenly present in Arnold McKinley's voice was unmistakable. The last time he'd heard that voice was a time he hoped never to relive. Yet, still, _stupidly_ , Con didn't want to leave. He didn't want to become Marty. He wanted his father to love him for who he was.

"Dad, I'm still your son. Just because I'm gay—"

" _No you aren't!_ " The fury was back, with a vengeance. Arnold McKinley's eyes were wide and bloodshot. " _You are not my son! I will not be laughed at by the other perfect Mormons with their straight kids! Their perfect kids! I will NOT be the laughingstock of the church because my son is GAY!_ "

Con just stared at his father. He'd seen his father hurt his mother, sure, and he'd seen so many things his father had done wrong, but somehow, until now, he'd held some naïve hope that his father would still love and accept him for who he was.

"I'm gay," Con said again. "I'm gay, and you can't make me straight, Dad, and you can't make me like girls. And I have a boyfriend, and I'm sorry I'm not your perfect heterosexual son but I'm not sorry and I'm not going to change who I am or _try_ to change who I am because I'm _fucking gay_!"

Then Con sat back, watching his father. Arnold's eyes were blazing with fury.

" _Get out of my house!_ " Arnold thundered. " _You are not my son! You will not curse in my house! Get out of my house!_ "

And Con did. He grabbed the backpack, and picked Scotty up. He walked outside, then attached Scotty's leash to his harness and left the house, barely feeling anything.

He walked numbly for a long time. He walked into town, and walked back. He could have kept walking for hours, but Scotty was getting tired and hungry. To tell the truth, Connor was too, but there was an ache in his stomach regardless of hunger. It couldn't be satisfied, so why should anything else be?

He ended up at Steve's house. He knocked on the door. Steve's grinning face appeared at the door, but seeing Con widened his eyes.

"Oh, God, Con, I'm so sorry," Steve murmured as he pulled Con into a deep embrace.

"Not your fault," Con muttered.

"God, I never should have told you to come out. I'm so sorry." Steve just kept talking, and his voice was soothing enough, but Con just stood there, his arms around Steve, until Scotty barked.

"OK, OK, Scotty," Steve grinned. Then he turned to Con. "What do you have?"

"My phone, enough food for Scotty to last a couple days, my charger, a couple other things," Con said, rifling through his bag.

They stepped inside and fed Scotty. Then Steve called his parents in.

"This is my boyfriend, Connor," Steve said. Con shook hands with his parents. "He…he's from a religious family, and he just came out to his parents."

"Did you get kicked out?" Steve's mother, Jane, asked sympathetically.

"Yeah," Con nodded.

"Can he stay here?" Steve asked hopefully.

"Yeah, of course," Steve's father, Robert, said, rubbing his eyes. "Steve, could I talk to you for a moment?"

Steve and Robert walked into the next room silently. Then, when they settled in the kitchen, Steve sitting at the kitchen counter, Robert spoke up.

"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend."

Steve looked up. He looked his dad in the eye and tried to gauge whether he was upset or indifferent. "You didn't ask."

"Yes, I did," Robert said pointedly. "Two months ago. Six months after you came out."

"Connor moved here five or six weeks ago," Steve explained.

"And how long have you been dating?"

"A month," Steve said. "I told him—I told him if we were going to be together, he'd need to come out."

"Oh, come on, Steve!" Robert somehow looked angry. "You can't force someone out of the closet!"

"That's what I told him," Steve said. "That I didn't want to force him, but I didn't want to be a secret lover or something."

"You guys have had sex?" Robert asked incredulously.

"I'm fourteen, Dad! No, we haven't had sex!" Steve rubbed his eyes. "Just, like, you know, making out and stuff."

"I don't need the super-big details of your gay life, Steve, I just wanted to make sure you're happy," Robert said.

Steve looked up at Robert. "I am, Dad. I am."

* * *

Con watched numbly as Robert and Steve left the room. He didn't hear much, and he didn't try to hear much. The thought that his homework was still at his house—at his _parents'_ house, he reminded himself—crossed into his vacant mind. The truth was, he wasn't letting himself feel anything, or feeling anything, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to pretend anything anymore.

He'd be alone.

In the back of his mind he knew he wasn't alone. He had Steve, Robert, and Jane, and Matt and Luke.

Everything was foggy. Everything was numb.

Fuck it.

Con heaved himself up. He walked to the bathroom—he already knew where it was—and looked at himself in the mirror.

 _I am Connor McKinley. I am Connor McKinley. I am gay. I was kicked out of my house—_

And _that_ was when the emotions hit him.

His parents didn't care. His mom had _known_ —she had fucking known. And she didn't help him. Sure, after everything his father had done, it made sense—but she had _betrayed_ him. Now he had Steve, sure, but he needed his parents. Now every fucking Mormon in Salt Lake City (which was a _lot_ of Mormons) would look at him funny. They'd say, "Oh, you poor homosexual. The devil lives inside you" or some shit.

He was fucking _sick_ of it. Of everything.

 _I did this for you, Steve. And look where it got me._

The truth was, he didn't care. There was so much emotion in him he couldn't tell the good from the bad. It just _was_ ; and it was pushing through him like a virus. _What if I flunk out of school because I can't do my homework that I left? What if Scotty isn't happy here? What if Steve breaks up with me and I have nowhere to go?_

Hundreds of thoughts, breaking in his head. Ruining his head, ruining his life. For now, everything was so extreme. It was terrible or perfect. And Con hadn't seen perfect yet.

But he would soon.

* * *

 **Hey guys! I know this chapter is pretty long, and full of some not-nice things, but thanks for reading! I originally wrote two versions of this, one where Con's parents accepted him and one where he got kicked out. It's kinda obvious which one I chose, and I had a version where Con took drastic action after being kicked out, but ultimately I wanted this fic to have a lighter tone. It probably won't get much darker than this.**

 **Also, to Sarah (Guest), I know there is no explicit Arnold McKinley and there is an Arnold Cunningham, but Arnold is a common name and I chose it for Connor's father.**

 **Thanks for reading, and please follow/favorite/review!**

 **Hoverboard33219**


End file.
